The "Is This It?" Phenomenon

Am I the only woman who has ever sat in front of a computer screen—or across the dinner table from a partner—and thought:

 Is this it?
Is this what I worked so hard at university for?
Is this really my life… for the next 40 years?

I don’t think so.

As women navigating mid-life, there seems to be a silent understanding: when you're “doing well” by society’s standards, you're meant to be grateful. Content. Settled.

But… what if you’re not?

What if you’re questioning your life choices?
Longing for something more?
Dreaming of a different kind of life?

This, to me, is what I call The Is This It? Phenomenon.

Let me be clear—I don’t think this feeling is abnormal. In fact, I believe it’s entirely human. We all have days where, halfway through reconciling a spreadsheet, we start wondering how exactly we got here.

The trouble begins when that questioning becomes paralysing. When the thought of this being it for the next 40 years starts to feel suffocating. When it begins to eat away at your happiness.

I’m in my mid (okay, late) 30s, and I’ve experienced this more times than I can count—in my career, my relationships, my social life. Sometimes I let the feeling pass. But sometimes, I couldn’t ignore it. And I had to act.

💔 I wasn’t happy in my marriage, so I made the incredibly hard decision to leave and start again.

🌍 I felt stuck in my career, so I had an honest conversation with my boss—and was soon offered an incredible opportunity overseas.

🍷 I got tired of hangovers and feeling flat, so I made the (somewhat shocking) decision to give up alcohol—and discovered I loved my life more sober.

📚 I missed learning, so I picked up personal development books—and ended up earning a diploma in Positive Psychology and Coaching, which led to the creation of The Is This It Coach.

Looking back, I realise something important: I’ve taken bold steps during some pivotal “Is This It?” episodes—but I rarely stopped to acknowledge that.

It dawned on me that many women in my shoes might feel the same questions… but not feel able or ready to act.

That’s where I come in.

Through my coaching work, I now combine real-life experience with tools that empower women to take the leap—even when it feels terrifying. Because trust me, your 30s, 40s and beyond are not the end of your story. They’re the perfect time to start a new chapter, expand your world, and leave a legacy you’re proud of.

A few questions to reflect on:

• When was the last time you had an “Is this it?” moment?

• What triggered it—and how did it make you feel?

• Did you take action? If not, do you wish you had?

• How do you feel about the next 5 years if nothing changes?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. DM me on Instagram @The_Is_This_It_Coach and join the conversation. I’ll also keep you posted on The Sunday Morning Project—a growing community space for connection, reflection, and taking brave next steps.

Jill (The Is This It Coach)

Let’s normalise the questions. Let’s challenge the script. Let’s write new chapters—together.